♪ ♪ Ladies take to cowboys ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Like kids take to clowns ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ They both love 'em without askin' why ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ There's those come-on looks and laughter ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ But when it's time for leavln' town ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Seems nobody cares enough to cry ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Everybody loves ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Cowboys and clowns ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ You're everybody's hero ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ For just a little while ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ But when the goodbyes are said ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ And the spotlight goes dead ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ There's no one left ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Who cares to hang around ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ To love the cowboys ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ And clowns ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Cowboys love candlelight ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ And Lacy things on ladies ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ While kids love carousels ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ And funny painted faces ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ But there's no balloons ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ No sweet perfume ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ When midnight brings you down ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ No one to hold you close ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ When the mornin' comes around ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Everybody loves ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Cowboys and clowns ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ You're everybody's hero ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ For just a little while ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ But when the goodbyes are said ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ And the spotlight goes dead ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ There's no one left ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Who cares to hang around ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ To love the cowboys ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ And clowns ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Cowboys and clowns ♪ ♪
Ladies and gentlemen!
Boys and girls!
We welcome you this evening
to the greatest,
the most authentic...
Wild west show in America!
So hang on to your hats and boots...
Or your loved one's hand.
[Whispering] I understand.
Let us take you back to a time
when the cowboys and Indians roamed our great land.
And now for our first act this evening,
Chief Big Eagle... the great-great-grandson
of the great Apache Indian Chief Geronimo,
will perform his legendary rattlesnake dance
that no white man has ever seen before.
And that's for sure.
Chief Big Eagle!
[Applause]
Tchi-tchi-wah!
[Chanting]
[Rattling]
- [Snake bites] - Eeyeow-aiee!
I'm awful scared, Bronco Billy.
Well, everybody's a little nervous
their first night in show business.
You just do what we rehearsed,
and everything will be fine.
Yeah, but I'm awful scared, Bronco Billy.
Take a swig of this.
It'll make you feel great.
The chief got bit again by the rattlesnake.
Damn.
Running water took him back to their truck
and gave him a shot of doc's snakebite.
I don't know why he can't just do
the great Apache flaming arrow act.
I thought you told him to use a gopher snake.
I did, but he's a proud Indian.
The only good Indian's a dead Indian.
Let's go, girl.
[Applause]
How about a big hand for lasso Leonard James,
the greatest rope artist in the west?
Yeah.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
it is my privilege and honor
to present to you this evening
the greatest trick shooter...
[Music plays]
The fastest draw...
The toughest hombre...
The one and only Bronco Billy McCoy!
Hey! Hey, hey, how about it?
How about it? Yeah!
Yeah, Bronco, climb a board!
[Applause]
Terrific!
Thank you, folks.
Thank you, my little partners out there.
It's always great to be back in Montana
and see all of our friends.
Now I'd like to introduce you
to my new assistant.
It's her first night in the big tent,
so how about a big Montana welcome
for Miss Mitzi Fritz?
Throw up the plates.
Throw up another plate.
Ladies and gentlemen, Bronco Billy!
Yeah!
And now, I want all of you settlers
and all of those little partners to sit tight.
Beca use Bronco Billy is getting ready
to do his death-defying wheel of fortune shootout.
Bronco Billy!
Are those real bullets?
It's a special buckshot.
It doesn't go too far.
But don't worry. I never miss.
Miss Mitzi...
Would you like a blindfold?
No, Bronco Billy.
You're the best shot in the old west.
Very well,
but I will wear one.
Are you ready, Miss Mitzi?
Yes, Bronco Billy.
All right.
Spin the wheel.
[Applause]
Aah!
[Audience gasps]
How much money we got in the kitty, Billy?
$19 and some change.
Ain't nobody can ever say we're getting rich.
I'll just be glad when we get to the next town.
Yeah, that's good, too, but, uh, I...
If something's sticking in your craw,
why don't you just spit it on out?
You know, me and the boys been with you
down the road, through hell and high water.
If there's a fight, we stick together, right?
We know you've done the same for us.
Look, doc, if it's about that little gal,
you know how hard it is
to find a good assistant nowadays.
You just tell the boys
that I'm going to find us an angel
that will make us all proud to have her in the show.
They understand about all that, Billy, but, uh...
What the hell are you talking about?
You know the boys love you, and so do I,
but, Billy, unless we get paid,
we're going to have to quit
because it's been 6 months.
[Curses and hits horn]
[Honking]
What's going on?
Get out of my truck, you yellow-bellied sidewinder.
It's raining.
Get out!
What in tarnation is he all heated up about?
I just told him we all going to quit
unless we got paid.
Why'd you have to tell him while it was raining?
Get out of my truck, you ingrates.
Don't you swear at my wife.
Get out of my truck!
We never should've elected you
to tell him in the first damn place.
What you talking about, man?
We drew straws, and I lost, remember?
Yeah.
So, it's money you want, huh?
Well, I'm not going to have a pack of wolves
snapping at my heels for money.
You think when I look at the faces
of those little partners
out there smiling in the audience,
I'm thinking about money?
All the good times we've been through...
and there have been a lot of them...
and all the bad times,
it breaks my heart to think
the only reason you all came down the trail with me
was for money.
I thought I had the best bunch,
but I guess I've been dealt a crooked hand.
Look, boss, it ain't what you're thinking.
Nobody wants to quit the outfit.
It's just... Well, I haven't had enough money
to go into a bar
and buy a pretty girl a drink in over a month.
You think I have?
You promised me I'd have enough money
to buy a wooden hand this year.
You should've never blown that hand off
in the first place.
I told you that shotgun act wouldn't work.
Running water and I want to buy a new bed.
We're sick and tired of sleeping on straw.
You two would still be out on the reservation
drinking bad whiskey if it wasn't for me.
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm sick of being on the wagon,
and I'm sick of drinking plain water.
We all know what you used to do for a drink,
and we forgive you for it,
but if you want to go back to wool blankets
and dirty sheets, it's all right with me.
I need new ropes.
You young cowpunchers today
don't take care of your gear.
I have told you a hundred times...
wrap your ropes after every show.
I know my job.
Then know it better, you hear?
Why don't we all get back in the truck
and get on down the trail?
We're getting hungry.
I say we get it over right now.
Nobody wants it over.
How about the rest of you?
You're right, boss.
Running water and I owe you our lives.
Where would I go?
As soon as we get some money,
then I'll get some ropes.
You're all going to get what you want,
I promise you.
I save every dime, every nickel
goes into that little tin box,
and one of these days, we'll get that ranch we want,
so city kids can come out
and see what cowboys and Indians are really like.
Then we can all settle down.
You're the best bunch of wranglers in America
and don't you ever forget it.
And you're riding with Bronco Billy,
the fastest draw in the west.
Now let's hit the trail.
- Yay! - All right!
I'll go get the permit.
You all go get something to eat.
All right, Mr. Arlington,
if you will both sign right there and pay me $10.
Then you can go upstairs to judge carbon's office
and... be married.
Darling.
Thank you.
Darling!
Don't walk so fast.
I shall walk as fast as I please.
Light me.
Antoinette, darling...
You know how much I love you.
Please, let's not be maudlin.
But I do love you, my pet.
We need each other.
I need to marry someone, anyone, before Saturday,
when I reach the disgusting age of 30,
or I shall lose many, many wonderful millions of dollars
my darling daddy left me.
And you need my money.
I know you're as broke as these vulgar Idaho farmers,
so, uh... Let's not talk about love, shall we?
Let's get this thing over with
as painlessly as possible, hmm?
[Bell rings]
[Hissing]
Might there be an auto mechanic on duty?
What's the problem?
I believe my engine's burning up.
Pop the hood.
Just exactly how long is this going to take?
There's a hole in your radiator
the size of a potato.
Well, then, repair it.
It won't be ready till tomorrow.
What?
Tomorrow?
Yep. Got to make a trip into town
to pick up a new radiator.
I'll pay you double what you normally get
if you'll just have this thing repaired by tonight.
I could sure use the extra money,
but your car won't be ready till tomorrow.
Oh, marvelous. You and your rented limousines.
Why in hell did we get married in Idaho?
I thought sun valley
would be a good place for a honeymoon.
I just want to get back to New York.
You want her fixed?
Sometimes she makes me so mad,
I could kill her!
Stick 'em up, or I'll plug you.
I ought to have the whole bunch of you
strung up for cattle-rustling.
We just wanted to talk to Bronco Billy.
All right. Turn around nice and easy.
You mean you little pards
played hooky from school just to come see me?
Wow! Look at his guns!
He really is Bronco Billy!
Put your hands down.
Are you really the fastest gun in the west?
- Wow! - Wow! - Wow!
Ain't nobody faster than Bronco Billy.
Now, look, I don't take kindly
to kids playing hooky from school.
I think every kid in America ought to go to school,
at least up through the eighth grade.
We don't go to school today, Bronco Billy.
It's Saturday.
Well, I been riding late last night.
A man's brain gets kind of fuzzy
when he's been on the range.
Well, I'll tell you what...
because you're all such goodhearted
little cowboys and cowgirls,
and you say your prayers each night,
I'm going to give you one free ticket each
to the greatest wild west show on earth.
And, uh...
I want you to bring your folks... Tonight.
- Thanks! - Thanks!
You're welcome.
Don't come late.
You might not get a seat.
Billy, where are you heading?
I'm going into town.
I got to find me a woman
who can shoot like Annie Oakley,
ride like Belle Starr,
and who ain't afraid of nothing.
I hope you find one. Be careful.
Are you Bronco Billy?
I sure am, ma'am.
You sure got a neat car.
Woman, what's your name?
Delores, Delores Duke.
Well, it's a pleasure meeting you, Miss Delores.
Tell me, would you, uh...
Like to go for a little ride
when you get off work?
[Music playing]
Jesus.
Oh.
I'm certainly glad someone is enjoying our honeymoon.
You... you really should have come
to the wild west show, darling.
It was...
Wonderfully corny.
You would have gotten a big laugh out of it.
Turn out your light. I want to go to bed.
Yes, dear.
Aren't you...
Going to wash that stuff off your face?
I shall wash my face
when I want to wash my face.
Will you take your wet tongue out of my ear?
But I'm your husband.
That doesn't give you license to maul me.
You frigid spinster!
If you had any blood in your veins at all,
you'd know what to do.
No wonder you've... Never gotten married.
Are you finished with your little speech?
Darling, I just want to make you happy,
but you... Frustrate me no end.
Finished?
Yes.
If you ever lay a hand on me again
without first asking my permission,
I shall cut you out of my universe,
starting at the bank.
Yes, dear.
Darling?
May I put my hand on your breast?
No.
Wait here. I'm going to cash a $3.00 check.
All right.
Watch yourself.
Be back in a minute.
Thank you, sir.
Cash a check here?
OK.
$3.00?
Yeah. I'd like it in 2 singles and 4 quarters.
No, wait a second. Make that 2 quarters and 5 dimes.
What's it going to be, fella?
It's a stickup!
All right, everybody up against the wall.
You, too, Tex.
Come on, move!
John... do hurry.
I want to take my bath.
I hope your rented limousine's been repaired.
John?
Oh, my god.
Hello! I've been robbed!
Newsbeat 7, Mr. Bronco.
Bronco Billy's the name.
Me and my wild west show are camped off of I-80.
Sure, uh, Bronco Billy,
when did you feel it was time to take action?
It's always time to take action when there's danger.
I want to invite all you little partners out there
to come out and see the Bronco Billy wild west show,
right off of I-80.
Here's the manager of the bank.
I want to shake your hand, Bronco Billy,
and I want to thank you...
the first show is at 7:30,
and I want you to come out and see Bronco Billy...
the quickest draw, fastest shot,
quickest hombre this side of the Pecos.
Right off I-80.
Oh!
Hello!
Hello?
Hello.
Oh!
Oh, charming.
Attendant!
You there!
Heard you the first time.
Did my husband, the man in the limousine...
Did he say when he'd be back?
No.
Could I use your telephone?
It's right outside there.
It works on dimes.
Well, you see, my husband seems to be
playing a little joke on me.
He's taken my purse.
Run off, has he?
Could you lend me a dime?
I just want to dial the operator.
No.
Well, why not?
Because I ain't got a dime.
But you have a telephone.
It works on dimes.
Well, then why don't you take a dime
out of your stupid little cash register
and let me use it to call the operator?
I'll give it right back to you.
Ain't mine to give.
Nice looking, ain't she?
At my age, that's about all I can do is look.
She live around here?
Her husband ran off and left her this morning.
The man's got to be a fool
to run off and leave something like that.
Maybe... maybe not.
Sir, you have a good day.
Same to you, young feller.
Good morning, ma'am.
Can I be of service to you?
Yes.
Would you be kind enough to lend me a dime?
Why, sure. Come on across the street.
That's where I keep my money... in my truck.
Coming?
My name's Bronco Billy McCoy,
and yours?
Bronco. What an amusing name.
My friends call me Billy.
Come and get it.
Oh!
Where's that dime you promised me?
Shoot. I wanted an orange soda.
I wanted a strawberry.
Boys, this is, um...
Antoinette Lily.
Miss Antoinette Lily.
You're the prettiest assistant
the boss ever hired.
I sure hope you can ride better than that last gal.
Wait. Wait.
Chief Big Eagle and his wife Lorraine Running Water...
Miss Antoinette Lily.
Miss Lily.
All right, boys, we got to get moving.
Let's get to work.
What an honor.
The dime!
I wanted a Dr. Pepper.
Doc Lynch, this is Miss Antoinette Lily.
Ma'am, welcome to Bronco Billy's
wild west show.
I hope you'll be very happy with us here.
All right, let's quit chewing the fat.
We got work to do.
We'll talk later, my dear.
Yeah.
You'll be paid a good wage
for an honest day's work.
Room and board are free.
Look, you promised me a dime.
Do you ride?
Ride? You mean a horse?
This dime will be deducted
from your first week's salary.
Now, go ahead and make your call.
We got to hit the trail.
You sure are pretty.
Operator.
Oh, thank god you're there.
I'd like to place a collect call please
to New York,
area code 212-966-7058,
to Mrs. Irene Lily.
Your name, please?
This is Antoinette Lily.
[Busy signal]
I'm sorry, ma'am, that line's busy.
Would you like to try later?
Yes!
Give me back my dime!
[Horn honking]
This isn't happening.
Would you drive me to the next town?
Why, certainly, ma'am.
I tell you that John Arlington
has murdered my helpless little stepdaughter.
I never should have let them marry.
What could you have done?
Well, I am the family attorney.
All of his wives
seem to disappear so mysteriously.
Now, don't go getting yourself upset.
What'll become of me if she has met her end?
If that is the case,
you are next in line
for her departed father's fortune.
I just want her back,
safe in my arms.
But we both know Antoinette would want me
to carry on.
Chin up?
I'll call the police immediately.
Oh, Edgar...
You're such a comfort.
[Car radio plays]
♪ ♪ We're barroom buddies ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ And that's the best kind ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Nobody fools with a buddy of mine ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I laugh when you're happy ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ And I cry when you're blue ♪ ♪
Must you sing that disgusting music?
Do you want to sing
a duet of barroom buddies?
No, I don't want to sing a duet of barroom buddies,
and if I'd only known you were going to the next town
instead of the one nearest the motel,
I would never have got into this vehicle.
I know it must be tough
having the man you love run off with another woman,
but things will be better
now that you're with the show.
My husband did not run off with another woman,
and I have no intention of working in your show.
Were you messing with another man?
No, I wasn't messing with another man,
and furthermore, my life is not your concern!
Shh! You're gonna wake up doc.
Don't tell me what to do.
Look, I'm your boss, and don't you forget it.
You are nothing but an illiterate cowboy.
[Horn honking]
Nobody talks that way to Bronco Billy.
Take your hands off me!
You better get in, Miss Lily.
It's a long ways to the next town.
What happened to Miss Lily?
I threw her out on the road.
Oh.
I'll have him thrown in jail for the rest of his life
for kidnapping.
Who does he think he is, treating me this way?
Why, he's Bronco Billy,
the best friend a man ever had besides his wife.
Best friend.
He hasn't understood a word I've said to him all day.
The boss has a lot of responsibilities
running the show.
Ohh. When do we get to the next village?
Just try to get some shuteye, Miss Lily.
[Sighs]
We'll see.
How dare he put his hands on me.
Nobody says that about a cowboy.
Miss Lily! I thought you left us last night.
That lunatic tried to kill me.
He's a very good man once you know him.
Where are we?
You see, we put on a lot of shows
for orphanages and hospitals throughout the country.
Children, children.
Let us all have our lunch,
then we can thank Bronco Billy
for his wild west show.
Billy, I hope you and your friends will join us
for lunch and prayer.
If you don't mind a few sinners at the table,
we'd love to, thank you.
All right, boys, let's take a break
and have some chow.
I realize you ain't with the show,
but... you're welcome to have lunch with us.
Would Bronco Billy give the prayer?
Sure.
Lord, we, uh, ask you
to forgive us for our sins,
and we want to thank you, lord,
for the great chow...
food that we're having here today.
And we ask you, lord,
to look after these little cowboys and cowgirls
and show them the way to a good life
so they don't get tangled up
with hard liquor and cigarettes.
Amen.
Sister, may I use your telephone?
Oh, I'm sorry. We don't have a telephone.
We can't afford one.
Just exactly how much do you pay Mr. Bronco
for this performance?
Pay?
Why, Billy and his friends come here every year.
They make the children happy,
but they don't get paid.
Billy: So I said to one-eyed Charlie, the famous desperado, "if you mess with me,
"you better make your peace with the lord
"'cause I'm faster and tougher
than you are, you dirty varmint."
What did he do to make you so mad, Bronco Billy?
He talked dirty about my mother.
So you killed one-eyed Charlie?
Well, I didn't kill him,
but I shot his holsters right off his hips.
You see, you should never kill a man
unless it's absolutely necessary.
May I speak with you for a moment?
Sure. See you in a little bit.
Thanks for the show, Bronco Billy.
You're welcome.
You promised to take me to the next town.
Yeah... tell you what I'll do.
I'll take you to the next town,
and you work the first show for me
till I can get a replacement.
Then you're on your own. Deal?
Deal.
Buster and I come riding in
after doc announces me.
Then I ride around the arena here, doing my tricks.
When I announce you, you'll come out over here,
and you'll walk up to this table.
Then I'll nod my head, and you pick up 2 plates.
When I ride by, you throw up the first plate...
Count to 3, then throw up the second plate.
Got that?
I'll show you what it looks like
when the plates go off.
No problem.
It takes hours of practice to learn to do that.
Mighty fine shootin', Miss Lily.
Beginner's luck.
Where on earth did you learn how to shoot like that?
I was the...
haven't you got something better to do
than hang around here like a prairie dog in heat?
As a matter of fact, I do. Excellent.
You don't do the shooting around here. I do that.
All right.
Now pretend I've done all my tricks.
I'll come back.
I get on buster...
And we ride around the arena.
I'll come ridin' around here,
then I'll swing down and pick you up.
You can slide right on back of me.
You what?
You reach your arm out,
and I lift you right up in back of me.
And that's all I have to do?
That's all you have to do.
What happens if I fall?
Trust me.
Trust?
Look, if you can't get it right,
we'll just go over and over it again
until you do get it right.
No problem.
All right. Here I come.
Aahh! Oh!
No problem?
Mr. Lipton.
Hello, Eloise. Mrs. Lily in?
I'll tell her you're here.
Mr. Lipton is here to see you, ma'am.
Uh, thank you, dear. Edgar, darling.
The f.B.I. Has just arrested
John Arlington in Arizona.
What on earth was he doing in Arizona?
I have a strong suspicion
he was getting ready to flee
across the Mexican border.
He was wearing
several of Antoinette's diamond bracelets.
They are formally charging him
with the murder of your stepdaughter.
I'm going out there to see him.
Has he... has he confessed?
Well, at the time of his arrest,
he was suffering from amoebic dysentery
and... wasn't able to talk.
As soon as he confesses,
I want you to file a petition
requesting me to be named
benefactor of the estate.
Of course.
Eloise.
Irene...
I want to extend to you my deepest sympathy
in this hour of tragedy.
Oh! Oh, that is sweet of you, Edgar.
Just do what I told you.
Simple.
Miss Lily...
Would you like a blindfold?
Oh, no, Bronco Billy,
for you most certainly
are the finest marksman in all the west.
Very well...
But I will wear one.
Must you, Bronco Billy?
Are you ready, Miss Lily?
Yes, Bronco Billy.
All right, spin the wheel.
Aaahh!
[Cheering and applause]
Next time you change the dialog
on that piece of paper I gave you, you're fired!
How dare you come in here!
Where's that piece of paper?
I'm not accustomed to being yelled at.
Where is that piece of paper?
There! Ooh!
I say, "would you like a blindfold, Miss Lily?"
And you say, "no, Bronco Billy,
because you're the best shot."
Not the best marksman!
And when I say, "I'll use one,"
where does it say, "must you, Bronco Billy"?
It doesn't say that here, does it?
No.
Every assistant I've had for the last 10 years
has said exactly what's on this paper,
and that's the way I want it continued!
Do you understand?
And another thing... I own this tent.
Are you finished with your little speech?
Yeah, I'm finished!
I do not work for you,
and if you ever raise your voice to me again,
I will scratch out your eyes!
Billy?
Are we camping here tonight or moving on?
We're hittin' the trail...
Now!
Oh, he is a madman!
Is he?
Oh!
John Arlington, I am going to murder you
for doing this to me.
Oh!
How's buster feeling?
Oh, kind of poorly, doc.
Oh, it's just his arthritis acting up again.
I'll give him a couple swigs
of my snake bite remedy
to fix the old boy up just like new.
One of these days, we'll get that ranch.
Old buster can go out to pasture.
Running water was telling me
about the run-in you had with Miss Lily.
I say good riddance to that woman.
She just couldn't cut the bacon.
I'm glad she got out of the frying pan
before I wasted that much time on her.
That's kind of a shame, because...
I thought she did pretty good for her first show.
She couldn't take orders, doc.
I gave her the piece of paper,
and she couldn't memorize her words.
But she was a damned good shot.
I don't want to talk about her ever again.
OK. You're the boss.
She got her ride to the next town
and her breakfast on the house.
Mighty kind of you.
Her kind don't want to work.
No wonder her husband ran off and left her.
Excuse me, miss.
"Heiress murdered."
Can I see the sports section?
You may.
Thank you.
Bye, ma'am.
Goodbye, Miss Lily.
It's too bad you can't come along with us.
So long. Happy trails.
You have a visitor from New York.
My wife?
Hello, Edgar.
You have 5 minutes.
You're looking well.
That's easy for you to say.
You don't have amoebic dysentery.
John... I've known Antoinette...
Since she was just a little girl,
and believe me,
I don't blame you for murdering her.
But I didn't murder that cold-blooded viper.
The sooner you confess,
the sooner we can all benefit.
Benefit?
John, I know how much
you must have loved her to have done such a thing,
but the living must go on living.
What has happened, has happened.
Edgar, I'm facing the electric chair
or something,
and you're standing here talking about,
"the living must go on living."
I guarantee... That if you plead temporary insanity,
you won't spend more than 3 years
in a mental institution.
What are you getting at?
If you confess to Antoinette's murder,
the day you're released from the institution,
you will receive half a million dollars.
But it's...
What if they don't buy that,
and I go to the electric chair anyway...
Or something?
They'll buy it.
I can arrange anything. You know that.
But those mental institutions,
they're supposed to be maddening.
I know of some out here
that have tennis courts and swimming pools,
your own private room,
color TV, maid service.
$500,000?
Mm-hmm.
How much is that after taxes?
Well, if you invest wisely,
you won't have to pay a dime.
Ohh.
I didn't mean to kill her,
but she was driving me crazy.
What are you doing here?
Well, you still need an assistant, don't you?
I'm the head ramrod. I give the orders.
Yes, Bronco Billy.
All right, get out of this truck.
Why? Aren't we headin' down the old trail?
First, you got to prove that you can work hard
before you ride with the head ramrod.
Oh, I do, do I?
Do you want the job, or don't you?
Lefty... is that your real name, Lefty?
What's it to you?
Well, I was just trying to make time pass more quickly.
Why do you want to make time pass quickly for?
Because I find life rather boring.
Don't you?
Nope.
Well, I can see we have very little to talk about.
I reckon not.
Light me.
Leonard,
how long have you been with Bronco Billy?
It must be going on 9 years.
Oh, please.
Did your father teach you your little lasso tricks?
My father taught me nothing.
My father gave me nothing but whippings.
Billy taught me everything I know.
He give me a home.
That's very touching.
I don't know where you come from, Miss Lily,
but I think they must not have given you much love
when you was a little girl.
[Horn honking]
Well, it's good to be back.
I'm hungry.
You're always hungry.
Let's get the big tent set up
before we put on the feedbag.
Well, what would you like for me to do?
You go help the boys.
And what are you going to do?
I do the thinking around here.
Oh, I hadn't noticed.
Hey, chief, uh...
Oh, excuse me.
Is everything all fixed up?
We still have some patchwork to do on the tent.
All right. Good.
Um... look, I... I don't want you to get bit
by those rattlesnakes anymore.
Why don't you use those gopher snakes?
That's what I bought the damn things for.
OK, Billy.
Tell him. He'll understand.
I hope so.
Tell me what?
Well...
Uh...
Come on, spit it out.
I mean, that's what I'm here for, is to help.
Running water's going to have a baby.
You mean I'm going to be an uncle?
You ain't mad?
Mad? That's the best news I've ever heard.
I know money's tight.
We got to get ourselves a trailer.
And we got to get some clothes
for the little pard.
What's all the shooting about?
Big Eagle and Running Water are going to have a baby.
Congratulations!
Why don't we get into our duds,
go into town, and raise some hell?
Yahoo!
- Yahoo! - Yahoo!
Come on, lasso.
♪ ♪ Lookin' at the world from the bottom of a glass ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ All I see is a man's pain ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Tonight I need that woman again ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ What I'd give for my baby ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ To just walk in ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Sit down beside me ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Say it's all right ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Take me home ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ And make sweet love to me tonight ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ But here I am again ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Mixin' misery and gin ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Sittin' with all my friends ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ And talkin' to myself ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I look like I'm havin' a good time ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ But any fool... ♪ ♪
We're plannin' to name the little critter Billy.
Billy? Well, I am really honored.
In fact, we'll have to give you a raise
when the critter's born.
Thanks, boss.
Here's a toast
to the fastest gun in the west, Bronco Billy.
Bottoms up.
Why don't you put some fire between your legs
and join in, huh?
I've matched you beer for beer all night.
You're the coldest fish I have ever met.
How dare you call me a fish!
"How dare you..." Well, you are, you know.
You don't know how to have fun.
Ha! You call your life fun?
Dance.
Your daddy should have probably
taken a belt to your backside
so you'd have some respect.
My father was a great man.
He went to heaven when I was 9 years old.
I'm sorry. I didn't know that.
There's a whole wide world you don't know about,
Mr. Bronco Billy.
Mr. Bronco Billy, I'm going to introduce myself
to some fine lady at the bar.
People are such idiots.
Go ahead. Let the tears fall in that beer.
I'm not crying.
Nothing wrong with crying.
The smoke in here is hurting my eyes.
Did you ever think what it would be like
to be nice to folks?
Folks just want to take.
Girl, you sure are mixed up.
No, I'm not.
Miss Lily, get up.
Why?
Because I want to dance with you, that's why.
Dance?
Come on.
Once you take the first step or two,
it's easy.
♪ ♪ That this honky-tonk heaven ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Really makes you feel ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Like hell ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I light a lonely woman's cigarette ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ We start talking about what ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ We want to forget... ♪ ♪
Boy, if you could only shoot straight.
Ha!
I can outshoot you any day of the week.
You sure are pretty.
I'll bet you say that to all the girls, Bronco Billy.
How dare you!
Jeez, I only kissed you.
Watch it, lady.
Hey, don't shove...
come back here.
That's it.
You stay out of this.
We're family.
We fight together, we stick together.
Oww!
On second thought, I think I'll stick with you.
Good idea.
We're going to take a 5-minute break.
Don't go away.
Hey, pretty thing.
How about a little old drink?
Get lost.
My friend back there...
He asked if you wanted a drink.
Hey! No, no, no, no.
How about that little old drink, honey, huh?
Now, come on.
We just want to...
We got us a wildcat!
Oh, have we ever.
No!
Wait a minute, cowboy, I've had enough.
Like hell you have.
Don't kill me!
Killing's too good for you.
You all right, Miss Lily?
Course she ain't.
I'll take her back in the truck.
The night is young, and I'm young...
full of more fight than any hombre west of the Pecos.
Come on, let's go back, have some more fun.
She'll be all right.
Running water and I are going back.
Lefty?
Kid, go kick up a storm.
I ain't going back in there.
Here.
Sorry. Is it too hot?
Are you OK?
I'm still shaking.
Everybody gets scared once in a while.
Have you ever been married?
Sure.
A long time ago.
Did you love her?
With all my heart.
Sometimes that just isn't enough.
What happened?
I caught her in bed with my best friend.
What did you do to him?
I shot her.
What?
What about him?
He was my best friend.
My god!
Don't worry. I didn't kill her.
She was all right,
but I spent 7 years in Folsom for attempted murder.
But I ain't complaining.
I met a lot of nice people there
like Doc Lynch and Lefty LeBow...
Big Eagle, who was doing 5 to 10 for armed robbery.
Oh, my god. Convicts.
What did doc and Lefty do?
Well, doc was in
for practicing medicine without a license.
Lefty was a former bank teller
whose wife had expensive habits.
Said he was going to give the money back.
I believe him.
None of you look like convicts.
We did our time.
Are you for real?
I'm who I want to be.
I've never been this close to a convict before.
Sorry. Didn't mean to say that.
I paid my price.
Don't.
That's all right.
You'll know when the time comes.
[Knock on door]
[Knocking]
Morning, doc.
The sheriff called the front gate and told me
he's got Leonard locked up in his jail!
Sheriff, you got one of my wranglers
a-housed up in your calaboose here.
Uh, what was his name?
Leonard James.
You two waiting to see me?
They're with me, sheriff.
I run the Bronco Billy wild west show.
In fact, we're playing over at the fairgrounds tonight.
Yeah... Well, let's see.
James, Leonard, age 28.
Drunk and disorderly in a public place,
resisting arrest...
We kicked up our heels last night.
Maybe Leonard kicked his up too high.
We run a routine check on your boy.
Found that he's wanted for desertion
from the United States army.
Hmm...
You must have the wrong man, sheriff.
Prints don't lie.
Your boy's a coward.
He didn't want to fight in Vietnam.
Can we see him?
Yeah.
Uh...
Just you.
You two can wait outside.
Hi, boss.
What in the hell did you become a deserter for?
I got a show to run.
Where am I going to find a wrangler
who can rope like you can by showtime?
Sorry, boss.
I was just a little kid then.
You're really in trouble this time, Leonard.
Billy, do they still shoot deserters?
It would teach you a lesson if they did.
Imagine a deserter with my show.
What about those little partners
that look up to you?
What are they going to think when they find out?
Couldn't you just tell them
I died with my boots on?
What happened to your eye?
Couple of deputies.
When they found out I was a deserter,
they took me in the back room.
Why didn't you tell me about it?
I was on the run 9 years ago.
You took me in. You gave me a home.
I couldn't just let you stand out in the rain.
I didn't want you to get involved with it.
Looks like it's the end of the trail now.
You take care.
You just can't leave him here.
If he's a deserter, he deserves what he gets.
I don't believe
Billy's just going to let him rot in jail.
What can he do?
The army's too powerful, even for Bronco Billy.
It's not like him to leave a friend in jail like that.
Desertion is a tough charge to beat.
What if you have an attorney to defend Leonard?
Attorney? Miss Lily, attorney costs money,
and that's one luxury we ain't never had.
Billy, where you going?
Get ready for the show.
I appreciate you coming out here
and meeting me like this, sheriff.
It was a rather interesting phone call.
I figure if my man's sent up for desertion,
there ain't no profit in that for any of us.
What kind of profit are we talking about?
$500?
Hey!
Just how fast are you with that pea-shooter?
Fast enough.
I'm pretty fast myself.
You know, $500 isn't very much money
for me to take such a big risk.
All right. This is all I have.
This comes to $1,100.
It's all I've got in the world.
Is that so?
You think you're faster than I am?
I wouldn't want to find that out, sheriff.
Aren't you Bronco Billy, the fastest in the west?
The roughest, toughest hombre this side of dodge city?
Look, I'm just making a living like everyone else.
Shit.
I can outdraw you any day in the week.
Couldn't I?
I reckon.
Reckon?
Let me hear you say it.
Or do you want to find out how fast I really am?
Wanna go at it?
Hmm?
You want to get with it, boy?
Or are you a coward
like that deserter friend of yours?
You're faster than I am.
What'd you say?
I said you're faster than I am.
[Laughs]
All right.
Just take out that gun nice and easy
and throw it right there on the ground.
Yeah.
Bronco Billy...
You're nothing but a yellow-bellied egg-sucker.
Peanuts!
Coca-Cola!
Here you go.
2? All righty.
Have you seen the boss?
Nope. He hasn't shown up yet.
10 minutes till showtime.
It's the first full house since dodge city.
Step right in, folks.
Someone will take your ticket inside.
Any sign of Billy?
Oh, he'll show up.
What if he doesn't?
Then you'll do the longest rattlesnake dance
of your life.
He'll show up.
I've sold everything except the empty box.
Any sign of Bronco Billy?
Never known Bronco Billy to miss a show.
He's not on the midway.
In that case, I suggest we put on the show.
Ladies and gentlemen!
We welcome you this evening
to the greatest, the most authentic
wild west show in America!
Guess I better change my costume.
She brought us bad luck.
Don't talk that way.
It's true.
It ain't.
Will perform his legendary rattlesnake dance
that no white man has ever seen!
And that's exactly what I mean!
Chief Big Eagle!
Eeee-wah!
[Booing]
We want Billy!
Bronco Billy.
Get inside, woman. We got a show to do.
Leonard, you're hurt.
Those yahoos couldn't hurt lasso Leonard James.
Quit chewin' the cud. Get goin'.
- Fire! - Fire!
Please, folks!
Keep your seats!
Bronco Billy will be here!
He'll be here! The show's going on!
All right, calm down. Slow it down. Take it easy, now.
Come on, kid.
Don't worry about it. It's no bother to you.
Doc: Don't panic, folks!
The show's going to go on!
How did he get you out of jail?
He can do anything.
The tent's on fire!
Take it easy, little buckaroos!
Walk out of here. Don't run.
You're all right. Don't worry.
Take it easy.
Walk those little partners out.
Slow it down. There's plenty of time.
Chief, give me a hand with these posters.
Whoa!
- I got it. - Get the other side.
Thank the lord nobody got hurt.
Yeah.
It's Miss Lily's fault.
She brought us bad luck.
It is.
[Sirens]
Boy, the sooner the boss gets rid of her,
the sooner our luck is going to change.
Miss Lily did not start that fire.
She's bad luck, I tell you.
Honey, Lefty's right. She's bad luck.
Hiya, king. Get you some coffee?
Thank you, Running Water.
Well, lady luck sure didn't shine
on you boys this time.
You can say that again.
Good morning, king.
Billy... what's your plans?
I don't know.
The sun's always shining over the next valley.
Maybe that's where we'll find our pot of gold.
Well, um...
We took up a little collection along the midway.
It ain't a lot,
but it'll help you start.
Help you get back on your feet.
That's nice.
Thanks.
Appreciate it if you'd...
Thank the rest of them for us, too.
We're pulling out this morning.
Sure thing.
Let's get out of here.
Howdy.
Damn! It's all my fault the tent burned down.
If I hadn't got thrown in the calaboose,
Billy would have been there and stopped it.
Boy, are you blind?
Since she's been with us, our luck's gone rotten.
You're mean.
You just a mean old ornery cuss,
and you don't like nobody.
[Tire popping]
Don't you just love these wide open spaces
where the deer and the antelope roam?
Boss, the boys want me to talk to you.
Doc, tell the boys nobody's going to get laid off.
We're going to pull on our belts
and pull up our boots.
We'll see this thing through together.
We've been through worse than this.
I'm sure they'll be glad to hear that.
I know I am.
But, well, uh...
You got a chicken bone in your throat?
It's the boys.
They want you to get rid of Miss Lily.
They think she's bad luck.
Who the hell do they think they are,
telling me what to do?
It's my show!
I do the hiring and firing around here.
Anybody don't like it, they can get out.
Well, things ain't been so good
since she joined us.
I know, but that poor little gal's been through hell.
Aw, heck, I didn't like her myself at the beginning,
but she's coming around to my way of thinking now.
What we gonna do?
We can't put on no show without a big tent.
[Train horn honks]
I know that.
What should I tell the boys?
Tell them we're going to Rob a train.
OK, Billy.
Rob a train?
[Train whistle blows]
How are we going to stop a train?
Stopping a train is easy.
Carting off all that money is the hard part.
No outfit's robbed a train in 90 years.
They're smart, that's why.
You people are crazy!
You could all go to jail for the rest of your lives
for robbing a train.
Appreciate your concern, Miss Lily,
and you may be right about us being crazy.
We're at the end of our rope.
This is not a game.
People could get hurt.
We figure on nobody getting hurt.
You don't even know if it's the right train.
You want out? Just say so.
You're all going to get caught.
I say Miss Lily's out.
You're living in a dream world.
There are no more cowboys and Indians.
That's in the past.
Miss Lily, I was raised in a one-room tenement
in New Jersey.
As a kid, I never even saw a cowboy,
much less the wide-open spaces,
except when I could scrounge up a quarter for a picture show.
I was a shoe salesman until I was 31 years old.
Deep down, I always wanted to be a cowboy.
One day, I laid down my shoehorn
and swore I'd never live in the city again.
You only live once.
You got to give it your best shot.
Don't do it, Billy.
I'll give you the money.
That would be a neat trick,
considering I haven't paid you
since you started working for me.
I have money, lots of it.
If you say you do, I believe you.
But I'm head ramrod here, and I've made my decision.
[Train whistle blows]
All right, you all know what you have to do. Get ready.
Wait for me!
[Train whistle blows]
Cowboys and Indians.
Of course, dear.
Billy, where are we?
I've got an idea to get us back in business.
What is this place?
A home for the criminally insane.
They should love your act.
Bronco Billy.
Dr. Canterbury, you look spright.
This is Miss Lily. Remember doc?
My friend and colleague.
Get back to work, you nut.
I'm not nuts.
I'd like to see Dr. Canterbury.
How would you like a trip to the yellow room?
Can I talk with you a moment?
I need a favor badly.
Well, sure. I'm a good listener.
I'll be right back.
Billy, my considered diagnosis is
you have the worst ailment known to man...
no money.
How can I help?
How can my staff and my patients best serve you?
Well, doc, I know you have a giant sewing room and your patients sew American flags
for the military.
If it's a flag you want, by all means, you've got one.
It's a tent that I need.
Without it, I'm afraid it's the end
of the Bronco Billy wild west show.
Billy, you all have come here
year in, year out, always a free show.
I don't know why, but you do come.
After all you've done for us,
it would be a pleasure to do this for you,
but I have a price.
You name it.
I want you to teach me how to twirl a six-shooter.
You got that, old pard.
All right.
You and your gang can hole up in the guest wing.
Come in. And you can take your meals
with the staff or the patients,
whichever you feel most comfortable with.
This place gives me the creepers
every time we come here.
Some of these people in there
are just as sane as you or I.
That ain't saying much.
They just had tough breaks.
They were born sane in a crazy world.
Get your gear, buckaroos. We're back in business.
- Yeah! - Yeah!
Billy, how long we got to stay here?
As long as it takes to get the tent made.
How long is that going to take?
Look, Leonard, if you've got something better to do, do it.
Just asking, boss. Just asking.
This is the Rose room...
2 single beds and a black and white TV.
Lefty, Leonard.
Why is this called the Rose room?
It's always been called the Rose room.
At least the rates are reasonable.
This is the carnation room.
It has a single bed and a radio.
I have returned home.
This is one of our most requested rooms
by guests who frequently come here.
By the way, you are the first 2 Indians
ever to be allowed to stay in the guest wing.
What's the name of this room?
It doesn't have one.
We call this our honeymoon room.
You can't be serious.
Dr. Canterbury specifically ordered me
to put you and your wife in this room.
Wife?
Come, my dear.
I forgot to tell them about the view.
Aah!
Yahoo...
Everything's coming up roses.
Come on over here
and give Bronco Billy a big kiss.
Don't you find anything about your life bizarre?
The only thing strange I find
is that you and I haven't made love yet.
Oh, let go of me!
I'm crazy about you, Miss Lily. Kiss me.
You're as nutty as the fruitcakes in this place.
You love me, don't you?
I find your timing less than appropriate.
Is it that time of the month?
No, it is not that time of the month!
Well, kiss me, then.
Oh!
Leave me alone!
All you ever think about!
You said I'd know when the time is right,
and, well, I don't know it yet.
There must be 13-year-olds more woman than you are.
At least I'm not a phony cowboy
from New Jersey.
What's it take to melt that heart of stone of yours?
[Knock on door]
I'd like to see the boss.
He's not here.
When you see him, tell him I want to talk to him.
Yes.
Running water, do you have a moment?
Sure.
So this is the honeymoon room.
Not much of a honeymoon.
Why does that man make me so angry
every time we're together?
The boss is a funny guy.
He's like all men... a big kid in a man's body.
Why do I hate him so?
The Apaches have a word for that.
It's called love.
That's what the Apaches call what I have?
When I first met Big Eagle,
I hated his guts.
He was so dedicated to preserving
the heritage of his ancestors.
I felt rejected.
At night when everyone else is asleep,
he's up working on his book.
Big Eagle is a writer?
He hasn't had anything published yet,
but he's written 3 books.
Oh, my god.
Big Eagle is a writer,
Leonard a Vietnam war deserter,
Lefty a bank teller,
doc a doc,
and Billy a shoe salesman from New Jersey.
- He told you that? - Yes.
You're the first assistant he's ever told that.
But we're so different.
I hate to tell you what I come from,
but I sure am not an Indian by blood.
I am Big Eagle's squaw,
and that makes me an Indian at heart.
Don't you understand what Bronco Billy
and the wild west show are all about?
You can be anything you want.
All you have to do is go out and become it.
I didn't mean to bring bad luck to the show.
You didn't.
What am I going to do?
I can't tell you that,
but I do know you're running away from yourself,
and until you know who you want to be,
you're never going to get very far.
[Door opens]
Bronco Billy, I want you to take me in your arms
and make love to me.
Well, I would, Miss Lily,
but unless you love me, it wouldn't be any good.
I love you, Bronco Billy.
Hey... take it easy.
Take it easy.
We got the rest of the night...
The rest of our lives to enjoy each other.
[Whistles]
[Whistling]
[Groaning]
[Breaks wind]
Antoinette?
[Click]
♪ ♪ We're barroom buddies and that's the best kind ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Nobody fools with a buddy of mine ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ laugh when you're happy ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Cry when you're blue hoo hoo hoo hoo ♪ ♪
In 2 days, you'll have your tent.
Could I say a few words to your patients here?
Certainly.
Uh... uh... folks.
I'd like to thank you from the bottom of my heart
for the great work you're doing
for me and my outfit.
3 cheers for Bronco Billy.
Hip hip hooray!
Hip hip hooray.
Ah, good morning, Lefty.
What's so good about it?
Mmm, smell that fresh morning air.
Look at the blue sky above.
You been drinking doc's snakebite?
I know you think I've brought bad luck.
I'll shoot straight, Miss Lily. You have.
Maybe I have,
and I've been hard to get along with,
but I'd like to change.
I want to be part of the outfit.
Won't you give me a second chance?
One rotten apple can spoil the barrel.
I've been like a scared calf in a herd.
A man's got to prove himself on the range.
That holds for a woman.
Could we have a cup of coffee, Mr. LeBow?
You got a calling for it.
Practice one hour in the morning
and one hour in the evening,
and you'll grow up to be like Bronco Billy.
I will.
Howdy, old pard.
Please come in, Mr. Atherton.
Arlington.
Sit down, please.
I like to hold these informal sessions
with all the new patients
so I can get to know their problems.
As you know, I have been sent here for life
for murdering my wife,
but I was framed.
My wife is the woman
in Bronco Billy's wild west show.
I know. I've seen her.
You've got to believe me.
Why don't you start at the beginning?
Tell me all about it.
Well...
Her stepmother's lawyer
offered me $500,000
if I would confess to the murder.
How was I last night, Bronco Billy?
Well, we weren't performing.
That's not what I meant.
You did just great.
I did?
Yeah. You know why?
Because you're a cowboy?
I could've been a sailor or a lumberjack
or the president.
We felt that good because we love each other.
The Apaches have a word for it.
They do?
Yep.
Oh, my god. I'm even beginning to talk like you.
You're becoming a cowgirl?
I'm a rootin' tootin' cowgirl from the Rio Grande.
You know, I've been thinking.
With just a little time, I think I could teach you to draw
and twirl a gun, shoot.
Takes hours of practice to learn that.
No problem.
Whatever you say, Bronco Billy.
Excuse me, Billy.
Could I have a moment of your time...
also, the young lady's?
Shoot, doc.
Antoinette!
It's me, John Arlington!
Tell them you're alive!
Back off, stranger.
Control yourself, Mr. Arlington.
Excuse me, ma'am, but, uh,
Mr. Arlington believes you to be his wife.
Whenever a patient hallucinates,
I confront them with the facts of life.
What on earth are you doing here?
I was framed!
He really is your husband?
What'd you run off and leave her for?
If you knew her, you'd run off, too.
You really are Antoinette Lily?
Well, who else would she be?
Would somebody tell me what's going on here?
I'm afraid I must call the authorities.
I'm so glad you're alive
because I'm going to sue you
and your stepmother
and your crooked lawyer for all you've got!
What the hell's going on here?
She's my wife!
I was just beginning to like her.
They look like a buffalo herd.
Are you people patients here?
How long have you been here?
Can you say anything about John Arlington?
Didn't you know the entire country thought
you had been murdered?
I never read newspapers.
This man, your husband,
has been convicted of murdering you.
Now you show up alive.
I mean, I just don't know what to make of it.
I find it a small misunderstanding.
Maybe you and I do,
but I doubt the FBI will.
The FBI?
They'll be here tonight
to transport you and McCoy back to New York City
for an inquiry.
What do I have to go to New York for?
For harboring a fugitive.
How can I be a fugitive if I were dead?
I don't know, but the FBI will know.
I hope they throw the book at you.
Oh, shut up, you little termite.
Lieutenant, newspaper reporters
are crawling all over the place.
Well, tell them...
An official statement will be forthcoming.
All right.
I have nothing more to say.
Get ready to leave tonight.
Suits me fine.
What did they ask you?
I ain't going back to New York.
What about Antoinette?
She's bad luck.
What was I supposed to think?
You, missing. He was alive.
I knew he was only after your money.
Good evening, ladies.
I'm happy to report everything's been taken care of.
Wonderful! Isn't that wonderful, darling?
She hasn't spoken a word since her return.
She's been through a terrible ordeal.
Yes. My poor little baby.
John Arlington
has been compensated for his discomfort,
if Antoinette would like the marriage annulled, I'd be very happy to arrange it.
What about the inheritance money?
I'm afraid, my dear,
you're at the mercy of your loving stepdaughter.
Antoinette, my poor, poor baby.
What do you want?
Darling, now that you're home,
I want us so much to become friends.
We've never been friends,
and we never will be.
But don't worry.
I won't throw you out on the streets
where you belong.
So long, Bronco Billy.
Boss, how soon do you think
before we can show our faces?
I would say that last round
put us very close to the poorhouse.
We show our faces,
and those feds will be on us like flies.
Nothing in the paper about us.
That's an old FBI trick
to make us think the coast is clear.
You figuring on us
shooting it out with the FBI?
Bronco Billy ain't afraid of no tinhorn sheriff.
Leonard: Hey, boss.
What about hiding out in the mountains?
Have you ever hidden out in the mountains?
No.
It snows in the mountains.
Get the picture?
Yep.
Maybe we could live
happily ever after in this bar.
That ain't too funny, doc.
What do you say we show the folks in this town
a first-class wild west show?
Bronco Billy ain't afraid of nothing.
Doc, I ain't never seen the boss drink so much.
He's never been in love
with a woman like Miss Lily before.
Keep the change, buddy.
Hey, you owe me another buck here.
I'll catch up to you.
[Telephone rings]
Hello.
Operator: I have a collect call for Miss Antoinette Lily from Running Water.
Will you accept the charges?
Yes!
Go ahead.
Antoinette?
Running water, where are you?
Boise, Idaho.
How's Bronco Billy?
He needs you. Badly.
We'll cut the show a little bit tonight.
You can be my assistant.
It's a shame Miss Lily's not here.
Miss Lily? I thought you didn't like her.
I never said I didn't like her.
I just said she brought us bad luck.
Well, she did.
No, she didn't.
She was the best assistant we ever had.
She could throw a plate...
haven't you got something better to do
besides hang around like a coyote in heat?
Yeah.
Sure, boss.
That's how they built the tent?
That's the best they know how.
Something must be bringing us luck.
We're almost sold out for tonight.
Bronco Billy McCoy
and his horse, buster!
[Cheering]
Thank you, folks.
Thank you, folks,
and especially my little partners out there.
Now before we start the show,
I'd like to introduce you
to my assistant for the evening,
Mr. Two-gun Lefty LeBow.
Uh... Miss Antoinette Lily.
A little late, ain't you?
I was waiting for you to come and get me.
I got you, and I'm never letting you go.
Come on.
She's back!
[Band playing The Thunderer]
Lasso Leonard James!
Ladies and gentlemen,
lasso Leonard James!
Yeah!
Wonderful!
Yee-haw!
Eeee-wah!
[Cheering and applause]
We come to the end of our show.
Thank you very much for being so kind to us.
I've got a special message
for you little partners out there.
Finish your oatmeal at breakfast
and do as your ma and pa tell you,
Beca use they know best.
Don't ever tell a lie,
and say your prayers before bed.
As our friends south of the border say,
adios, amigos.
♪ ♪ So dream on ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Bronco Billy ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ It's one hell of a life you chose ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Keep those spurs a jinglin' ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ 'Cause every cowboy knows ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ When you've saddled your last pony ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ He'll be callin' by and by ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ And you'll ride that final roundup ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ For the big boss ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ In the sky ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Now the paint is peeling ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ From the old carousel ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I'm feeling kind of faded ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ And my sequined shirts don't fit as well ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ But when I see those little buckaroos ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Waitin' for me to begin ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ The years roll back ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ And Bronco Billy ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Becomes just a kid again ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ So dream on ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Bronco Billy ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ It's one hell of a life you chose ♪ ♪
Captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc.